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Dogs Are Happy, Cats Are Evil

February 20, 2010 | 11 Comments » | Topics: Animals, Uncategorized

dog vs cat

Here’s an interesting comparison for all you cat and dog lovers out there who like to think that their 4 legged friend is better than the other….

Excerpts from a Dog’s Diary……

8:00 am – Dog food! My favourite thing!

9:30 am – A car ride! My favourite thing!

9:40 am – A walk in the park! My favourite thing!

10:30 am – Got rubbed and petted! My favourite thing!

12:00 pm – Lunch! My favourite thing!

1:00 pm – Played in the yard! My favourite thing!

3:00 pm – Wagged my tail! My favourite thing!

5:00 pm – Milk bones! My favourite thing!

6:00 pm – Oooh, Bath. Bummer.

7:00 pm – Got to play ball! My favourite thing!

8:00 pm – Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favourite thing!

11:00 pm – Sleeping on the bed! My favourite thing!

Excerpts from a Cat’s Daily Diary. ..

Day 983 of my captivity.

My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.

They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.

The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.

Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a “good little hunter” I am.

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of “allergies.” I must learn what this means and how to use it to my advantage.

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow — but at the top of the stairs.

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released – and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded.

The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicating with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe. For now…………….

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11 Responses to “Dogs Are Happy, Cats Are Evil”

  1. The Weekend Odor Says:
    February 21st, 2010 at 10:25 am

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  5. ashley (cat lover) Says:
    April 29th, 2011 at 2:15 pm

    HEY!!!!!!!!!!!! dog lovers r stupid cat lovers r smart dogs r dumb cats r awsome. CATS R BETTER THAN DOGS! why do ppl hate cats more than dogs??????????? im a dog HATER! hey cat lovers say cats rock in ur comment if u hear this. HEY DOG LOVERS LET ME UHHH PUNCH U AND KICK U AND CALL U A JERK

  6. Cory Brandstetter (dog killer, cat lover) Says:
    May 27th, 2011 at 11:49 am

    yeah i fucking hate dogs to. in fact i was attacked by those fucking stupid mutts on four occasions (one of them i was humped in teh reah by a dog a big one to) i have a cat and she is adorable in fact she loves me (sleeps with me purrs at me and loves me) and FYI that picture of a cat that teh bastared put in this post that we are commenting on, it is actually yawning. LETS all Fucking kill those stupid dogs cats rule dogs litarally drool.

  7. Ms.Mon Says:
    May 16th, 2012 at 6:08 pm

    Awesome. Maybe the fith time will finally do it for you. In fact…snowball the doberman, come here, good boy, attack the feline sniffer

    Oh kids…

  8. Ghasel Says:
    July 10th, 2011 at 1:40 pm

    So, your proof that cats are evil is a journal you wrote up?
    Sorry, but I’m not buying it. Cats have a personality, while dogs just do whatever they’re told.
    I prefer cats over dogs, but I don’t hate dogs.

  9. Chee Says:
    August 16th, 2011 at 3:25 am

    Haha! Very cute. D: I feel sorry for indoor cats, I would imagine its dialogue to be exactly this. Every animal has its merits if only people would take the time to understand them.<3

    My Shiba dog would certainly be the middle ground of these two stories. She loves to escape, and is thoughtful enough to pause and wonder if she wants to obey you rather than gallop over and wag her tail. But she remains sweet, affectionate and full of kisses. Much like a cat who have their own brand of loyalty.

    Not all dogs are derpy, but it's a cute generalization you have here. I like!

  10. Miss Katie Says:
    December 6th, 2011 at 4:45 pm

    Dogs can be train to be evil, they’re EVIL during the nazi time they were biting and killing children….look the statistics….I’ve never heard of a cat killing a human whereas dog’s probably yearly thing on the news

  11. No Says:
    February 15th, 2012 at 8:12 pm

    This is a wind up…. right?


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