32 Undeniable Truths For Mature Humans

November 12, 2010 | 36 Comments » | Topics: Funny Pictures, List

Truths For Mature Humans

1. I think part of a best friend’s job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die. 

2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you’re wrong. 

3. I totally take back all those times I didn’t want to nap when I was younger.

4. There is great need for a sarcasm font. 

5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet? 

6. Was learning cursive really necessary? 

7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on # 5. I’m pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood. 

8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died. 

9. I can’t remember the last time I wasn’t at least kind of tired. 

10. Bad decisions make good stories. 

11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren’t going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.

12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don’t want to have to restart my collection…again.

13. I’m always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page technical report that I swear I did not make any changes to.

14. “Do not machine wash or tumble dry” means I will never wash this – ever. 

15. I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? **** it!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voice mail. What did you do after I didn’t answer? Drop the phone and run away?

16. I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.

17. I keep some people’s phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call. 

18. I think the freezer deserves a light as well. 

19. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lite than Kay.

20. I wish Google Maps had an “Avoid Ghetto” routing option. 

21. Sometimes, I’ll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the heck was going on when I first saw it.

22. I would rather try to carry 10 over-loaded plastic bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in. 

23. The only time I look forward to a red light is when I’m trying to finish a text. 

24. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger. 

25. How many times is it appropriate to say “What?” before you just nod and smile because you still didn’t hear or understand a word they said?

26. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!

27. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever. 

28. Is it just me or do high school kids get dumber & dumber every year? 

29. There’s no worse feeling than that millisecond you’re sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.

30. As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate bicyclists.

31. Sometimes I’ll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is. 

32. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey – but I’d bet my *** everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time!

via Ruminations

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  • joeb

    Correction on 31: Sometimes I look down at my cell phone 3 consecutive times and still don’t know what time it is.

    No one wears watches anymore, pssh

    • Jeff Liitle of troy ohio

      For Mature Humans

      you smug little jerk

  • Kay Glad

    I’m a 17 year old girl and I wear a watch. But I can never find the snooze button.

    • http://www.alphamaleonline.wordpress.com Random Harris

      lol…watches don’t have snooze buttons

  • http://rk.md Rishi

    Hahaha, such an incredibly accurate list! Very well done. :-)

    • Justin

      This was so true, every single one. The groceries one cracked me up, I never take two trips.

      • Kimberly

        In fact, if I can’t get everything in one trip, I get all the stuff that has to be refrigerated/frozen, and anything I want to snack on immediately, and of the rest I leave what I can’t carry in that one trip. It can come in on incidental trips to/from my car over the next few days.

  • Clarissa

    years of housekeeping at church camps…I know how to fold fitted sheets.

  • Megan

    I love cursive and it’s ridiculously easy to fold fitted sheets.

    • Jeremy

      You’re awful.

      First-time Commenter

      • Frank


        Only-time commenter

  • Tess

    This is brilliant and hilarious. I will definitely be sharing it with friends. Nice work!

  • Dick vB

    Excellent list!
    5. We fold ours lengthwise several times and then roll them up!
    7. Then why did you specify your house as the starting point?
    15. Maybe they immediately called someone else and they have Call Waiting?
    20. You can click on the generated route in the ghetto area and drag that part of the route to somewhere else!
    30. Even when you’re a bicyclist?

    • E. Wallace

      Way to have a sense of humor.

      • waiwai

        that’s why his name is Dick….;)

        • Mel


  • Chuck

    I feel like #29 all the time.

  • John

    Fabulous. Agree with everything but number 30. Take 12 seconds out of your life and share the road. Then again, bad cyclists who give the rest of us a bad name can pound sand.

    • Jack

      Totally agree on both points.

  • http://idleprimate.blogspot.com/ idleprimate

    what: twice. after saying ‘what’ twice, the person has said whatever they have said three times, and anything mattering after that many repetitions would have risen to a yell. god bless smiling and nodding . . .it virtually replaces listening on some occasions.

  • george

    #33 The only reason I clicked this link was there was a picture of a pretty young girl.

    • jesse

      yeah…where the hell is she?

      • boner mcfart

        yeah… for realz.

        • Frank

          Yeah!! Thanks for reminding me, I’d completely forgotten how I got here!

          • Georgia Clay

            SERIOUSLY…. disappointed

    • los

      haha yup. but im over it that list was funny as hell

  • me
    • john

      Dude…it says “via ruminations” right at the bottom. I bet you’re the high school kid it’s referring to aren’t you?

  • paul anthony

    im not online much and i never comment on anything, but holy fuck that list mad my laugh my ass off, and realize how true all of that is. its shit i think about all the time. you are a god in heaven.

  • Joy

    I absolutely love this…. so very true everyone of them….
    feel free to add more as needed!!!

  • Jeff In Boston

    Almost all of them cute except for #7, which proves how myopic nerds can be: a great many people use Mapquest to get out of the unfamiliar neighborhoods to which they find themselves traveling. How to get out of Williamsburg, Brooklyn, to a certain place in Greenpoint? Starting at #7 would have been no help whatsoever three weeks ago.

  • Kimberly

    hahaha! So true! Love this list, made me laugh. Something fun to read after having to wake up really early.

  • Carter8605

    no matter what, every kiss (K_iss) will begin with the letter K

  • Jmhammond25

    so true and soooo funny, no matter how old you are

  • justMe

    I live this list. Everyday. You should write a book!

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