Reasons Why It’s Great To Be Woman/Man
June 14, 2011 | 1 Comment » | Topics: List, LOL
Women
- Free dinners.
- You can cry without pretending there’s something in your contact.
- Speeding ticket? What’s that?
- You actually get extra points for sitting on your butt, watching sports.
- If you’re a lousy athlete, you don’t have to question your worth as a human being.
- A new lipstick gives you a whole new lease on life.
- In high school, you never had to walk down the hall with your binder strategically positioned.
- If you have to be home in time for Ally McBeal, you can say so, out loud.
- If you’re not making enough money, you can blame the glass ceiling.
- If you’re not very attractive, you can fool ‘em with makeup.
- If you use self-tanner, it doesn’t necessarily mean you’re a big loser.
- You could possibly live your whole life without ever taking a group shower.
- Brad Pitt.
- You don’t have to fart to amuse yourself.
- You’ll never have to decide where to hide your nose-hair clippers.
- When you take off your shoes, nobody passes out.
- If the person you’re dating is much better at something than you are, you don’t have to break up with him.
- If you think the person your dating really likes you, you don’t have to break up with him.
- If you don’t shave, no one will know.
- If you’re dumb, some people will find it cute.
- You don’t have to memorize Caddyshack or Fletch to fit in.
- You can dress yourself.
- Your hair is yours to keep.
- If you ARE bald, people will think you did it on purpose, and you’re really chic.
- You don’t have to pretend to like cigars.
- You’ll never have to blow 2 months salary on anything.
- If you marry someone 20 years younger, you know you look like an idiot.
- You’re rarely compelled to scream at the TV.
- You and your friends don’t have to get totally wasted in order to share your feelings.
- If you pick up the check once in a while, that’s plenty.
- Sitting and watching people is all the entertainment you need.
- Your friend won’t think you’re weird when you ask if there’s spinach in your teeth.
- When you get a million catalogues in the mail, it’s a good thing.
- Sometimes, chocolate truly can solve all your problems.
- If you’re under 6′, you don’t have to lie about it.
- You’ll never regret piercing your ears.
- You can fully assess someone just by looking at his or her shoes.
- You’ll never discover you’ve been fooled by a Wonderbra.
- You don’t have hair on your back.
- If anything on your body isn’t as big as it should be, you can get implants.
- You can tell which glass was yours by the lipstick mark.
- If you have big ears, no one has to know.
- You can be attracted to someone just because they’re really funny.
- You can borrow your spouse’s clothes and it doesn’t mean you belong on Jerry Springer.
Men
- Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
- Movie nudity is virtually always female.
- A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
- Monday Night Football.
- The bathroom lines are 80% shorter.
- You can open all your own jars.
- Dry cleaners and haircutters don’t rob you blind.
- When clicking through the channels, you don’t have to stall on every shot of someone crying.
- A beer gut does not make you invisible to the opposite sex.
- You don’t have to lug a bag of useless stuff around everywhere you go.
- You understand why the movie “Stripes” is funny.
- You can go to the bathroom without a support group.
- The garage is all yours.
- You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
- You can be showered and ready in 10 minutes.
- If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be your friend.
- Your underwear is $10 for a three pack.
- The National College Cheerleading Championship.
- You don’t have to shave below your neck.
- If you’re 34 and single nobody notices.
- Everything on your face stays its original color.
- You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger seat.
- Flowers fix everything.
- You can wear a white shirt to a water park.
- Three pair of shoes is more than enough.
- Michael Bolton doesn’t live in your universe.
- Nobody stops telling a good dirty joke when you walk into the room.
- You can whip your shirt off on a hot day.
- Auto mechanics tell you the truth.
- You can watch a game in silence with you buddy for hours without even thinking, “He must be mad at me.”
- You get to jump up and slap stuff.
- One mood, all the time.
- You can admire Clint Eastwood without starving yourself to look like him.
- You know at least 20 ways to open a beer bottle.
- You can sit with your knees apart no matter what you are wearing.
- Gray hair and wrinkles add character.
- Wedding Dress $2000; Tux rental $100.
- You don’t mooch off others’ desserts.
- If you retain water, it’s in a canteen.
- The remote is yours and yours alone.
- ESPN’s Sports Center.
- Bachelor parties rule over bridal showers.
- You don’t need to pretend you’re “freshening up” to go to the bathroom.
- If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you might become life long buddies.
- The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
- New shoes don’t cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
- You don’t have to remember everyone’s birthdays and anniversaries.
- Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with: “So… notice anything different?”
- Baywatch.
- There is always a game on somewhere.
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