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12 Reasons Why Canada Should Be Feared

April 15, 2012 | 4 Comments » | Topics: Funny Pictures, List


Ninety percent of population is massed within 100 miles of northern American border.

Seems not to mind that one of its provinces has turned almost entirely French.

Excessive politeness only makes sense as cover for something truly sinister. But what?

Citizens seem strangely impervious to cold.

Decriminalization of marijuana and acceptance of gay marriage without corresponding collapse of social institutions indicate Canada may, in fact, be indestructible.

Has infiltrated entertainment industry with singers, actors, and comedians practically indistinguishable from their American counterparts.

Consistently stays just below cultural radar yet never quite disappears.

Parliamentary government and common-law judiciary appear to function acceptably yet remain completely inscrutable.

Never had a “disco phase.”

Seemingly endless supply of timber, donuts, and Scotch-plaid hats with earflaps.

Keeps insisting it “has no designs on America” and “only wants peace.”

Plays a mean game of pond hockey.


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4 Responses to “12 Reasons Why Canada Should Be Feared”

  1. Gopher Says:
    April 16th, 2012 at 5:51 am

    That’s exactly right – WE’RE ON TO THEM

  2. Fmylife Says:
    April 16th, 2012 at 11:34 am

    Canada never decriminalized marijuana.

  3. Ian Says:
    December 7th, 2012 at 6:24 pm

    False. Ontario had a brief stint of decriminalization in the early 2000’s. Also: See B.C.

  4. Greatest of all Time. Says:
    April 18th, 2012 at 2:38 am

    Only an American would think marijuana and gays getting marries must lead to complete social breakdown. How come whenever Americans try to be funny they just end up making a joke of themselves? I’m English and it shames me that our Ginger haired step children over there in the US are still so far behind the rest of the world in so many areas. But then again…I guess thats hhow ginger haired step children work, we don’t have to be proud, but theres no point denying thier existance…Oh well, they’ll get there at some point…I guess.


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