It’s hard to explain, but for me it’s that the sense of being part of some story where you are the protagonist kind of fizzles out unceremoniously and leaves you drifting for the rest of forever.
As a kid, you’re on a path, there’s a plan laid out for you, and whether you intentionally break from the plan or follow it to the letter, there’s this linear progression of growth, and an ultimate goal to strive for. You have allies, you have enemies, you have trials that you pass or fail, you have moments of catharsis, etc. You feel like part of a beautiful narrative, like the heroes in movies and books and tv shows and stories. You feel like there’s a right and a wrong way to go, and some ultimate fate waiting for you at the end that will sum up what all of it meant.
When you get to be an adult, that illusion crumbles away as you realize that you don’t have a narrative, there is no path or plan, things aren’t always linear, and you’re nobody’s hero. There are no allies, because friends can be both good and bad for you simultaneously. There are no enemies, because frankly no one cares enough to wage a personal war for long. You don’t have a destiny. You make choices that are more a product of random chance than you want to admit, and sometimes the consequences make sense, sometimes they don’t. You may flounder around in a bunch of different directions for many years, ultimately not making any progress, and having nothing of import to show for it. You’re not a good person or an evil person – you’re just an ant wandering around looking for crumbs. No, worse than an ant, because an ant has a purpose in life, to serve its queen and colony. You can choose to align yourself with a purpose, but it may never fulfill you or reward you. And nobody will be waiting with a shiny gold medal for you if you stick to it.
Life as an adult seems less and less like an exciting adventure story and more and more like a delerious, confusing fog of random developments and passing phases that raise more questions than they answer.
Edit: I somehow put my first edit in the middle of the text, which made it weird. But it said thank you very much for the gold and comments. I appreciate all the insights and solidarity, and the disagreement too.
I haven’t always felt this way about adulthood, and I probably won’t always feel exactly this way. It’s not as if everything’s hopeless, or that I’ll never try to find a direction for my life. It’s just that the realization of how small your impact actually is, and that you are not destined for anything great, and how subject you are to forces bigger than yourself – that’s a tough pill to swallow.
It’s like having the worst girlfriend ever, who you are madly in love with but who treats you like shiet, makes you sell your car and house and furniture and even your high school yearbook that your crush from 10th grade signed and told you that you were cute. She’s told you to stop talking to anyone you’ve ever cared about, they don’t want to talk to you while you’re still dating her anyways. You sell your clothes so she can go out and buy new ones. You eat ramen every meal so she ca eat at the best restaurant in town. In the morning you think about her and in the evening you think about her and when you go to take a crap but you can’t because you’re constipated you’re reminded of her. You wake up and if she’s not in bed with you you get the chills, your eyes water, you have diarrhea, you sneeze, your muscles ache, you have anxiety, you have depression, you don’t want to eat because food isn’t appealing even though your stomach is rumbling, you don’t particularly want to drink but you’re dehydrated so you force yourself to drink some water, and during all this your skin is crawling as if it was dirty covered in goose-bumps from who knows where and you wish you were still asleep so you could at least pretend she was still in the bed with you. But you’re awake now. So you get out of bed, and you go find her. Maybe today you won’t have to do something that compromises your morals to find out where she’s gone, but really you don’t even care, as long as there is a way. You walk an hour and forty five minutes to get on the bus. You travel for another 45 minutes on public transportation. You get off at the train station in the bad part of town. All the while you have to shiet so bad but you know once you find her that will be solved. You’re hungry but dont want to eat, once you find her you can eat. You feel dirty and sad and anxious but once you find her she’ll bathe you and make you happy and calm. But right now your walking through the ghetto. You walk another 20 minutes. Maybe it’s cold and raining, if so you are so so so cold. Maybe it’s hotter than hell and that just makes you feel dirtier. You find a guy that knows where she is. He says he’ll go get her and bring her to you. And the cops pass you as you’re talking to him and they have to know what’s up. What’s someone like you doing in this part of town? So the 10 minute wait for her to come back to you accompanied by the guy who could give two shiets about you as long as you bring him money seems like an eternity. Maybe he’ll run off with her and your money. Maybe she wont be looking so hot today, maybe she won’t be herself. Maybe he’ll come back with a woman you don’t know and don’t want to meet but now your money is gone and you’re broke and sick and a good few hours away before you can get some more money and the world might as well be over in your opinion. But your girlfriend comes back, he brings her, and she gives you a kiss on the cheek. Then you go home, to your mattress and your overdue rent and the lack of food and the piled up bills and the same clothes you’ve been wearing for three days and your parents that have called but you never answer and your friends that invite you out but you never go, but you’re home and she’s there with you. Eventually you go to bed. But she’s never there the next morning, and you know she won’t be, and you wish someone invented a way to pause time, or go back in time, to that first time you met her, the first couple months when you guys hung out, before she made you sell everything to be with her, but you can’t and you’re fuked. And you know it.
I’m not going to romanticize it, that won’t do you or me or anyone reading any good.
by Jordan Bates
Lies are all around us.
No, I’m not some paranoid conspiracy theorist. I am, however, addicted to knowing the truth.
And guess what? People are lying to you. All day, every day.
TV shows are lying to you. Politicians are lying to you. Music artists are lying to you. Advertisements are lying to you. You’re lying to yourself.
I’m not talking about “lies” in the sense of a whopper story conjured up by an 8-year-old to get out of trouble. I’m talking about the perpetuation of myths.
Myths are destroying your potential.
The Ancient Brain Washer
For thousands of years, humans have used mythology as a way of teaching tradition and values. Telling stories proved to be an effective way to educate people.
While myths were invented to serve a beneficial purpose, they’re also a dangerous force in creating inflexible attitudes.
As the world evolves, our systems of belief must change with it. Yet, people are often so engrained in one way of thinking that they cease to learn and adapt to change.
When we refuse to evaluate what we believe, we lose the opportunity to capitalize on the advantages of progressive, innovative ideas.
When we cling too tightly to what we think we know is true, we risk being controlled by damaging, outdated ways of thinking.
And in the modern world, damaging myths are more alive than ever.
Myths take the form of stories, norms, axioms, and paradigms. The most powerful myths are the ones believed by the greatest number of people.
These ultra-popular myths establish the status quo. And while some widely held ideas are good, many are not.
Here are 7 nasty myths that are stifling you. Absorb them, mull them over, and stop believing in them.
1. “Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You.”
Don’t forget the special gift of just being you. Don’t get distracted trying to be like something or someone else you’re not. You are the best You there ever could be.
2. “If you never did, you should. These things are fun and fun is good”
Life was not given to us to be filled with regrets. Opportunities await you and can be more fun than you ever imagined if you’ll simply take the chance. Take advantage of those opportunities and have a blast. What good can possibly come from saying you never tried?
3. “Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.”
Often folks are so worried about what other people think. Be honest and real and those who matter most in your life will accept you no matter what. Those who won’t, you don’t need. Life is too short to worry all the time what other people think.
4. “Don’t cry because it’s over. Smile because it happened.”
This is our opportunity to see the glbooty as half full. Celebrate people and experiences that you’ve had, and let the memories live on. So often we get trapped in grief and despair when there is so much to be celebrated.
5. “Sometimes the questions are complicated and the answers are simple.”
Aren’t we typically our own worst enemy. We make things more complicated than they have to be. When in doubt, go back to the basics and you’ll probably find your answer.
6. “I meant what I said and I said what I meant.”
Mean what you say or don’t say it at all. Resist the urge to not be genuine in an effort to protect or please yourself or someone else. This does not mean be rude or hateful, in those times it’s probably best to simply not say something. However, when you do speak up, make sure it is what you want to say and what you really mean it’s your opportunity to live with integrity.
7. “The more that you read, the more things you will know. The more that you learn, the more places you’ll go.”
Always make learning part of your life. You know only a portion of what you could possibly know and there are so many more exciting adventures to come from learning new things. Learning keeps you connected and interested which is a key to living pbootyionately.
8. “How did it get so late so soon? Its night before its afternoon. December is here before its June. My goodness how the time has flewn. How did it get so late so soon?”
Time flies by. We all know this for a fact. Don’t let life sneak past you without being part of it. Time is the most valuable of all the resources as it’s the only one we can never get back.
9. Today was good. Today was fun. Tomorrow is another one.”
Be grateful for the good parts of your day. Recognize what was fun and be thinking of what you can do more of to make your tomorrow even better!
10.Think left and think right and think low and think high. Oh, the things you can think up if only you try!”
Trying is a key element to success. Without trying success isn’t even a possibility. Without trying you can’t complain about what you don’t or can’t have. Dream Big, Think Big and Act big. It will make all the difference in your life. No limitations.