By Marcus Geduld
1. Marry your best friend.
I am truly amazed that I have the most successful marriage of all my friends — going strong after fifteen years. Most of my friends are amazed, too, because, growing up, I was the geek who couldn’t get a girlfriend. I had almost no relationships until I was in my mid twenties. I got married at 29. I’m now 45 and still deeply in love. Meanwhile, I have seen so many of my friends get divorces and/or grind their teeth through loveless, combative relationships.
What I’ve noticed about these people is that, 90% of the time, (a) they got married really young and (b) they mistakenly thought that long-term romances work best when when they’re based entirely on lust and trivial shared tastes (e.g. "We both like the same bands.")
Sometimes, I hear people say things like, "I’ve been dating this guy for a year. We get along okay, but sometimes I think about leaving… How do I know if he’s ‘the one’?" This makes me really sad, because it’s SO obvious to me that my wife is ‘the one.’ Why? Because she’s my best friend. Whenever anything good or bad happens to me, she’s the person I want to tell! When I need advice, she’s the person I run to! When I need to laugh, she’s the person I joke around with!
If you don’t KNOW that the other person is ‘the one,’ he’s not (or she’s not). And though it SUCKS to be alone — believe me, I know. I was alone for YEARS — it’s better than settling. DON’T settle. You’ll STILL be alone. It is very possible to be alone while being in a relationship. Many people are.
(Let me be really clear about what I mean by "don’t settle." I don’t mean "look for someone who is perfect." No one is perfect. I mean that if you feel luke-warm about someone, he’s not the one. If the person you’re with makes you continually unhappy, she’s not the one. Don’t settle for THAT because "it beats being alone." It doesn’t. You evolved to think it does. Your brain will continually tell you that it does. It doesn’t.)
The other sad thing I hear is "Bill is my best friend. We have so much in common. He’s always there for me. We talk for hours. I completely trust him and we have the exact same sense of humor … but … I don’t know … the spark isn’t there…"
When I hear this, I don’t say anything, because it’s none of my business, but I want to scream "GET OVER THIS ‘SPARK’ THING! STOP BELIEVING IN HOLLYWOOD VISIONS OF CATCHING SOMEONE’S EYE ACROSS A CROWDED ROOM! Jesus Christ! You found someone you connect with on SO many levels, and you’re not getting down on your knees and proposing?!? Do you think you’re going to find 30 more people like that in your life?!?"
1. Spend more time with those who make you smile and less time with those who you feel pressured to impress.
2. Never tell someone their dreams are impossible. You’ll feel like a fool when they prove you wrong.
3. If a person wants to be a part of your life, they will make an obvious effort to do so. Don’t bother reserving a space in your heart for people who do not make an effort to stay.
4. One of the hardest lessons in life to learn is figuring out which bridges to cross and which to burn.
5. There’s always some truth behind ‘just kidding,’ knowledge behind ‘I don’t know,’ emotion behind ‘I don’t care,’ and pain behind: ‘It’s okay.’ So pay close attention to how people feel.
6. You never know how strong you really are until being strong is the only choice you have.
7. In the end, we only regret the chances we didn’t take, relationships we were afraid to have, and the decisions we waited too long to make.
8. Too many people buy things they don’t need with money they don’t have to impress people they don’t know.
9. The best thing in life is finding someone who knows about all your flaws and still thinks you’re completely amazing.
10. Nobody is perfect, and nobody deserves to be perfect. Nobody has it easy, everybody has issues. You never know what people are going through. So pause before you start judging, criticizing, or mocking others. Everybody is fighting their own unique war.
11. Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.
12. The best revenge is happiness, because nothing drives your adversaries more insane than seeing you smiling and living a good life.
13. Fall in love when you’re ready, not when you’re lonely.
14. Stand up for what you believe in, even if it means standing alone.
15. No matter how many mistakes you make or how slow you progress, you are still way ahead of everyone who isn’t trying.
16. Pursuing happiness by acquiring material things (fancy cars, expensive jewelry, designer clothing) is like jogging to the grocery store on your treadmill: it won’t get you anywhere.
17. Life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass, it’s about learning to dance in the rain.
18. Life is way more enjoyable when you stop trying to be cool and simply focus on being yourself.
19. If you want to feel rich, just count all the great things you have that money can’t buy.
20. Embrace change. As uncomfortable as it is sometimes, change allows us to stretch and grow. New things feel awkward and scary at first, but those feelings go away, and you are left with something bigger and bolder in your life.
by Saskia Davis
Be on the lookout for symptoms of inner peace. The hearts of a great many have already been exposed to inner peace and it is possible that people everywhere could come down with it in epidemic proportions. This could pose a serious threat to what has, up to now, been a fairly stable condition of conflict in the world.
Some signs and symptoms of inner peace:
* A tendency to think and act spontaneously rather than on fears based on past experiences.
* An unmistakable ability to enjoy each moment.
* A loss of interest in judging other people.
* A loss of interest in judging self.
* A loss of interest in interpreting the actions of others.
* A loss of interest in conflict.
* A loss of the ability to worry. (This is a very serious symptom.)
* Frequent, overwhelming episodes of appreciation.
* Contented feelings of connectedness with others and nature.
* Frequent attacks of smiling.
* An increasing tendency to let things happen rather than make them happen.
* An increased susceptibility to the love extended by others as well as the uncontrollable urge to extend it.
If you have some or all of the above symptoms, please be advised that your condition of inner peace may be so far advanced as to not be curable. If you are exposed to anyone exhibiting any of these symptoms, remain exposed only at your own risk.
- Knowledge talks, wisdom listens. – Jimi Hendrix
- Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me !
- Only the wisest and the stupidest of men never change. – Confucius
- Don’t let your victories go to your head, or your failures go to your heart.
- Those who criticize our generation forget who raised it.
- Criticizing is easy, art is difficult.
- Violence won’t solve a thing. It makes it more challenging to solve, though.
- I don’t know what the key to success is, but the key to failure is trying to please everyone. – Bill Cosby
- When the character of a man is not clear to you, look at his friends.
- Not to care for philosophy is to be a true philospher.
- The mind is like a parachute. It doesn’t work unless it’s open.
- The best mind-altering drug is truth.
- Be wiser than other people if you can, but do not tell them so. – Lord Chesterfield
- Don’t look where you fall, but where you slipped.
- Never forget what a man says to you when he is angry. – Henry Ward Beecher
- A winner listens, a loser just waits until it is their turn to talk.
- Guns don’t kill people — people do.
- He who knows others is wise. He who knows himself is enlightened. – Lao Tzu
- If you are not part of the cure, then you are part of the problem.
- The only time you run out of chances is when you stop taking them.
- Pick battles big enough to matter, small enough to win. – Jonathan Kozel
- The best things in life are not things.
- An investment in knowledge always pays the best interest. – Benjamin Franklin
- You can tell more about a person by what he says about others than you can by what others say about him.
- One should always play fair when one has the winning cards. – Oscar Wilde
- Think like a man of action, and act like a man of thought.
- Beware of a man of one book.
- Enjoy when you can, and endure when you must. – Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
- He who knows others is learned; he who knows himself is wise.