Awesome Anecdote About A Woman’s Experiences With Aging, Children, And Attractiveness, And How Men Respond
I’m 40, and for me, the way I’m treated has more to do with my current weight and whether or not I have children in tow.
Regarding children: I had my first child very young – I was 20. Even though I was in the "full bloom of youth" at the time, have that stereotypical stuff that men tend to like (extreme hourglass figure, large boobs, blonde hair, blue eyes), and was rocking a body that a year of breastfeeding only made better, when my baby was with me in public I was invisible. I would see guys doing their normal thing of scanning the horizon all around them, their eyes settling on the ones they’d do and passing right over the ones they wouldn’t. They never even let their eyes settle on me. The baby made me effectively invisible. Going out in public without my baby elicited the normal car horns, animal noises, leers and whiplash double-takes.
At work the baby wasn’t an issue. There, it was my weight that determined my treatment. When thin I was constantly flirted with and treated to little special favors and extras. Getting hired to jobs was a breeze. Very few men found it inappropriate to constantly compliment me on my looks, my hair, my clothes, etc. Even in a professional environment the men were shameless about staring at my tits. Women were as catty to me as men were schmoozy. You’d think my tits grew out of the fertile compost of my moral failures or something.
However, for all the flirting and trivial favors and special treatment and such, getting promoted or acknowledged for my talents and strengths was difficult. In order to secure promotions and gain responsibility at work, I had to start pulling my hair back severely, stop wearing makeup and "frump up" my clothing a bit. Even that was not terribly successful.
An Empty Plate
To Boddah pronounced
Speaking from the tongue of an experienced simpleton who obviously would rather be an emasculated, infantile complainee. This note should be pretty easy to understand. All the warnings from the punk rock 101 courses over the years. Since my first introduction to the, shall we say, ethics involved with independence and the embracement of your community has proven to be very true. I haven’t felt the exitement of listening to as well as creating music along with reading and writing for too many years now. I feel guilty beyond words about these things. For example when we’re backstage and the lights go out and the manic roar of the crowd begins it doesn’t affect the way in which it did for Freddy Mercury who seemed to love and relish in the love and adoration from the crowd. Which is something I totally admire and envy. The fact is I can’t fool you. Any one of you. It simply isn’t fair to you or me. The worst crime I can think of would be to rip people off by faking it and pretending as if I’m having 100 % fun. Sometimes I feel as if I should have a punch in time clock before I walk out on stage. I’ve tried everything within my power to appreciate it, and I do. God, believe me I do but it’s not enough.
I appreciate the fact that I and we have affected and entertained a lot of people. I must be one of one of those narcissists who only appreciate things when they’re gone. I’m too sensitive. I need to be slightly numb in order to regain the enthusiasm I once had as a child. On our last three tours I’ve had a much better appreciation for all the people I’ve known personally and as fans of our music, but I still can’t get over the frustration, the guilt and empathy I have for everyone. There’s good in all of us and I think I simply love people too much. So much that it makes me feel too fucking sad. The sad little, sensitive, unappreciative, pisces Jesus man! Why don’t you just enjoy it? I don’t know. I have a goddess of a wife who sweats ambition and empathy and a daughter who reminds me too much of what I used to be.
Full of love and joy kissing every person she meets because everyone is good and will do her no harm. And that terrifies me to the point to where I can barely function. I can’t stand the thought of Frances becoming the miserable self-destructive, death rocker that I’ve become. I have it good, very good, and I’m grateful, but since the age of seven I’ve become hateful towards all humans in general. Only because it seems so easy for people to get along, and have empathy. Empathy! Only because I love and feel for people too much I guess. Thank you all from the pit of my burning nauseous stomach for your letters and concern during the past years. I’m too much of an erratic, moody baby! I don’t have the passion anymore and so remember, its better to burn out than to fade away. peace, love, empathy. Kurt Cobain
Frances and Courtney, I’ll be at your later.
Please keep going Courtney
For her life which will be so much happier without me. I Love you. I love you!