Hello again. It’s a little while since I wrote to you last, isn’t it? I was just thinking about you. Yes, you! And you. You too, over there in the corner. I’ve been thinking about you a lot.
I want you to know something. You’re ok, you are. Oh I know, you’re not perfect and sometimes you feel fraudulent, like you’re only pretending to be ok, but the truth is, imperfection and “faking it” are ok too.
I want you to know, you don’t have to feel invincible all the time to be ok. You don’t have to be permanently fabulous to make a difference to the world. Nor do you have to be completely loving of yourself, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week to be ok. It’s ok to feel afraid, to have doubts, to be a little less than your shiny self from time to time. It happens to all of us, and that’s ok. The key thing is to acknowledge it, feel it and allow it to pass. Or if you need it, it’s totally ok to ask for help. You don’t have to change the world all on your own.
Also, don’t feel you have to perform all the time either. There will be times where you just need to step back and BE without worrying about what you have to DO. Anyone who expects you to be perfectly “on” all the time doesn’t really care about you – they’re caring more about themselves and their own expectations than your needs or feelings.
The thing is, self love is about so much more than just declaring “I am awesome!” and believing it. You are awesome. But you are also human, and part of caring for yourself is acknowledging that all humans are flawed, and cutting yourself some slack. Forgiving yourself. You will make mistakes, and you will be flawed, but that’s fine. We are all flawed, we all make mistakes. What matters is how you work through those mistakes and flaws. The most perfect thing you can do is acknowledge them and learn from them. But most importantly, be responsible for your mistakes. That’s the thing that will make a difference.
Because really, it’s all about doing the best you can within whatever circumstances you’ve got in your life at any given time. So what if someone else is able to do more, give more, be more. That’s them, in their lives. You have yourself, in your life, so that’s what you’ve got to work with.
But there is something I REALLY want you to know. You are a perfectly acceptable human being right now, this minute. You are just as valid as any other human being, without changing a single thing about yourself. That doesn’t mean you’re not allowed to want to grow, evolve or improve yourself, or you can’t do better sometimes, it just means right now this instant, you are worthy of your own self love. Even if it is hard to love yourself sometimes (and boy, is it!), or you’re struggling with some really difficult stuff in your life, you still deserve it.
So dearest you, be kind to yourself, be kind to others, and give the best version of you that you can give, but know that even in the tough times, you are still valid, worthy and deserving of your own self love.
I love you.
As my friend was passing the elephants, he suddenly stopped, confused by the fact that these huge creatures were being held by only a small rope tied to their front leg. No chains, no cages. It was obvious that the elephants could, at anytime, break away from the ropes they were tied to but for some reason, they did not. My friend saw a trainer nearby and asked why these beautiful, magnificent animals just stood there and made no attempt to get away.
“Well,” he said, “when they are very young and much smaller we use the same size rope to tie them and, at that age, it’s enough to hold them. As they grow up, they are conditioned to believe they cannot break away. They believe the rope can still hold them, so they never try to break free.” My friend was amazed. These animals could at any time break free from their bonds but because they believed they couldn’t, they were stuck right where they were.
Like the elephants, how many of us go through life hanging onto a belief that we cannot do something, simply because we failed at it once before? So make an attempt to grow further…. Why shouldn’t we try it again?
Your attempt may fail, but never fail to make an attempt
CHOOSE not to accept the false boundaries and limitations created by the past…
“Our prime purpose in this life is to help others. And if you can’t help them, at least don’t hurt them.”
1. Approve of yourself.
“A man cannot be comfortable without his own approval.”
If you don’t approve of yourself, of your behaviour and actions then you’ll probably walk around most of the day with a sort of uncomfortable feeling. If you, on the other hand, approve of yourself then you tend to become relaxed and gain inner freedom to do more of what you really want.
This can, in a related way, be a big obstacle in personal growth. You may have all the right tools to grow in some way but you feel an inner resistance. You can’t get there.
What you may be bumping into there are success barriers. You are putting up barriers in your own mind of what you may or may not deserve. Or barriers that tell you what you are capable of. They might tell you that you aren’t really that kind of person that could this thing that you’re attempting.
Or if you make some headway in the direction you want to go you may start to sabotage for yourself. To keep yourself in a place that is familiar for you.
So you need give yourself approval and allow yourself to be who you want to be. Not look for the approval from others. But from yourself. To dissolve that inner barrier or let go of that self-sabotaging tendency. This is no easy task and it can take time.
1. Drink plenty of water.
2. Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like beggar.
3. Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants and eat less food that is
manufactured in plants.
4. Live with the 3 E’s — Energy, Enthusiasm and Empathy.
5. Make time to meditate.
7. Read more books than you did in 2009.
8. Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day.
9. Sleep for 7 hours.
10. Take a 10-30 minute walk daily. And while you walk, smile.
11. Comparing our lives to others is fruitless. We have no idea what their journey is about.
12. Replace negative thoughts with positive ones especially about things out of our control. Invest energy in the positive present moment.
13. Try not to over do. Understand limits.
14. Why take ourselves so seriously. No one else does.
15. Gossip drains precious energy.
16. Dream more while we are awake.
17. Envy is a waste of time. We already have all we need.
18. Forget issues of the past. Let go of our partners mistakes of the past. Focus on our present/future happiness.
19. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.
20. Make peace with our past so it won’t spoil the present.
21. No one is in charge of our happiness except us.
22. Realize that life is a school and we are here to learn. Problems are simply part of the curriculum that appear and fade away like algebra class but the lessons we learn will last a lifetime.
23. Smile and laugh more.
24. We don’t have to win arguments. It’s ok to agree to disagree.
25. Call your family often.
26. Each day give something good to others.
27. Forgive everyone for everything.
28. Spend time with people over the age of 70 and under the age of 6.
29. Try to make at least three people smile each day.
30. What other people think of you is insignificant compared to what you think of yourself.
31. Your job won’t take care of you when you are sick. Your friends & family will. Stay in touch.
32. Do the right thing!
33. Get rid of anything that isn’t useful, beautiful or joyful.
34. (Higher powers) heal everything.
35. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
36. No matter how we feel, get up, dress up, and show up.
37. The best is yet to come.
38. When we awake alive in the morning, be thankful.
39. Our Inner most is always happy. Release your “Inner Happy” on the world every day!
This article courtesy of the fantastic team over at http://www.marcandangel.com
- How old would you be if you didn’t know how old you are?
- Which is worse, failing or never trying?
- If life is so short, why do we do so many things we don’t like and like so many things we don’t do?
- When it’s all said and done, will you have said more than you’ve done?
- What is the one thing you’d most like to change about the world?
- If happiness was the national currency, what kind of work would make you rich?
- Are you doing what you believe in, or are you settling for what you are doing?
- If the average human life span was 40 years, how would you live your life differently?
- To what degree have you actually controlled the course your life has taken?
- Are you more worried about doing things right, or doing the right things?
- You’re having lunch with three people you respect and admire. They all start criticizing a close friend of yours, not knowing she is your friend. The criticism is distasteful and unjustified. What do you do?
- If you could offer a newborn child only one piece of advice, what would it be?
- Would you break the law to save a loved one?
- Have you ever seen insanity where you later saw creativity?
- What’s something you know you do differently than most people?
- How come the things that make you happy don’t make everyone happy?
- What one thing have you not done that you really want to do? What’s holding you back?
- Are you holding onto something you need to let go of?
- If you had to move to a state or country besides the one you currently live in, where would you move and why?
- Do you push the elevator button more than once? Do you really believe it makes the elevator faster?
- Would you rather be a worried genius or a joyful simpleton?
- Why are you, you?
- Have you been the kind of friend you want as a friend?
- Which is worse, when a good friend moves away, or losing touch with a good friend who lives right near you?
- What are you most grateful for?
- Would you rather lose all of your old memories, or never be able to make new ones?
- Is is possible to know the truth without challenging it first?
- Has your greatest fear ever come true?
- Do you remember that time 5 years ago when you were extremely upset? Does it really matter now?
- What is your happiest childhood memory? What makes it so special?
- At what time in your recent past have you felt most passionate and alive?
- If not now, then when?
- If you haven’t achieved it yet, what do you have to lose?
- Have you ever been with someone, said nothing, and walked away feeling like you just had the best conversation ever?
- Why do religions that support love cause so many wars?
- Is it possible to know, without a doubt, what is good and what is evil?
- If you just won a million dollars, would you quit your job?
- Would you rather have less work to do, or more work you actually enjoy doing?
- Do you feel like you’ve lived this day a hundred times before?
- When was the last time you marched into the dark with only the soft glow of an idea you strongly believed in?
- If you knew that everyone you know was going to die tomorrow, who would you visit today?
- Would you be willing to reduce your life expectancy by 10 years to become extremely attractive or famous?
- What is the difference between being alive and truly living?
- When is it time to stop calculating risk and rewards, and just go ahead and do what you know is right?
- If we learn from our mistakes, why are we always so afraid to make a mistake?
- What would you do differently if you knew nobody would judge you?
- When was the last time you noticed the sound of your own breathing?
- What do you love? Have any of your recent actions openly expressed this love?
- In 5 years from now, will you remember what you did yesterday? What about the day before that? Or the day before that?
- Decisions are being made right now. The question is: Are you making them for yourself, or are you letting others make them for you?
No One is Perfect. The quicker this is realized the faster you can get on with being excellent. Start every morning ready to fight harder than you did the day before and run further than you ever imagine.
Avoid over explaining yourself. Be confident with who you are.
Keep balance in your life. Write down what’s most important to you and show up. Sometimes we tend to do the things that are most important to us when it’s written down.
Play the hand you were dealt. Have the courage to face challenges head on it builds character. Start looking for a way through instead of a way out.
Be a student of life. Learn something new every day. The day you stop learning is the day you become obsolete so keep learning.
No Excuses. Stop making excuses replace them with ways to do better. Excuses are a waste of time and energy.
Let others know where you Stand. Be uncompromising and be up front when someone steps on your core values.
Never be afraid of a challenge. You put on your shoes like every other man. Now it comes down to who wants it more.
Service to others. Small, simple or important be a volunteer and give the very best of you.
Work like hell. Everyone has a job to do so do it. Cross every “T” and dot every “I”.
Discover You. Find your passion, life purpose, and take action.
Don’t take it Personal. Don’t be afraid to laugh at yourself self confidence shows that you’re comfortable in your own skin.
Manage your time. Our situation and environment is ever changing so be careful not to confuse the things that are urgent with the things that are important. Look for time wasters and eliminate them.
Ask for help. Life can be tough remember you never have to do it alone.
Do your homework. Know what you getting into before you start. Doing your homework reduces uncertainty and fear.
Day Dream Often. On the weekend when you are relaxing embrace a day dream. During the week take action to preserve your dreams.
Be A HERO. Cultivate a healthy dose of forgiveness and set someone free. Learn to forgive others and stop carrying those bags of hate, guilt or regret.
Stay One Step Ahead. Be proactive, Take the initiative, Brainstorm with the big picture in mind.
Self Love. Become your own priority. Strive to be the you, you want to be.
Finish what you started. Avoid the urge to stray.
“ Be glad of life, because it gives you the chance to love and to play, and to look up at the stars – to be satisfied with your possessions but not content with yourself until you have made the best of them – to despise nothing in the world except hate and cowardice – to be governed by your admirations rather than your disgusts – to covet nothing that is your neighbors but his kindness of heart and gentleness of manners – to think seldom of your enemies, but often of your friends – to spend as much time as you can in body and spirit.. these are the little guideposts on the footpaths to peace."
H. Van Dyke
- Chase your dreams while you are able – Life is tricky, and if you aren’t careful, you can find yourself with a family and a mortgage before you know it. Take some time now to think about what you are passionate about. Find out what your dream is and chase it while you are young and still have the time, enthusiasm and energy to do it.
- You will regret the opportunities you didn’t take much more than the ones that didn’t pan out – Of all the things I regret in my life, most of them are things I didn’t do rather than mistakes I made. Many times in my early adulthood, I would find out about an opportunity and then talk myself out of going for it. The self doubt and worrying about all of the what-ifs can be crippling.
- Be prepared to make lots and lots of mistakes – When you make mistakes, you know that you are growing. And, as long as you are growing, you know that you are alive. If you never made a mistake, you wouldn’t be challenged. What fun is that?
- Try on new ideas – When you hear of an idea or opportunity that sounds interesting, try it out. Don’t let the fear of looking silly or being embarrassed prevent you from exploring new things. No one is really watching you as hard as you think, and there is no shame in being brave.
- Always be honest, with yourself and with others – Lying is just a waste of time. Be honest in your relationship, but most of all, be honest with yourself. Don’t let other people tell you how you should feel or who you should be, and don’t try to be the person you think you should be or beat yourself up for not feeling the way you think you should. If you make honesty a priority, you can just be the person you are.
- You don’t have to go to college right away – If you don’t know what your passion is, how on earth can you chase it? There is this assumption that after high school, you have to go to college. If you don’t feel like you are ready to succeed in that environment, take a year off and figure out what it is that you love. There is absolutely nothing wrong with starting college a year late or even going to a trade school rather than opting to pursue a degree.
- Trust your instincts – In almost any situation, trust your gut. When you tune in to your intuition and your instincts, you are almost always right. If you feel like something is really important to do, do it. Don’t try to second guess yourself over and over and don’t do things that you feel aren’t right just because you want to be “nice”.
- If you are stuck worrying about something so much that you can’t sleep, get up and write it out – When you are in a vicious cycle of doubt and worry, the best way to get it off your chest is to write it down. Once you have it out on paper, it doesn’t have to be stuck in your head keeping you from getting a good night’s sleep.
- It’s more important to know where to find the answer – If you know how to research and find out the answer, then you don’t need to try to remember every single fact. It is impossible to know everything, instead, just learn how to research.
- Live within your means – You don’t have to have a lot of money to do the things you want and to have a great time. You can never win the game of who has the best, most expensive stuff. So, don’t even bother. Lunch in the park can be just as much fun as a day at the mall, it just depends on your outlook.
- Play everyday – As we grow up, we stop being willing to just play. There is always room to be creative and silly.
- If you don’t know what to say, don’t say anything – Sticking your foot in your mouth is always worse than being shy. If someone says something you don’t like, or you just don’t know how to respond, just don’t say anything at all. Let them break the silence.
- Be who you are – Being yourself always seems so overused to me, but it is still true. When you work hard at growing and being the person you were born to be, rather than the person you think you ought to be, you will have a very happy life. Not everyone was born to be in a cubicle. Just be careful to leave yourself room to grow.
- Use the resources you have, instead of waiting until you have more – It is easy to think that if only you had something, (a college degree, a better car, a different partner, a pile of cash) you could reach your goal. Instead of focusing on the things you don’t have, look at the resources you have and put them to use furthering your cause.
- Never stop asking questions – We could all learn a lesson from 3 year olds. They want to know why and how come about everything. When you get into the habit of asking questions, you will come to realize that sometimes the search is more important than the answer.
- Try your best to never burn bridges – You may not think that it is worth the effort to treat everyone in your life with respect and integrity, but you never know what the future may hold. Sometimes a chance encounter can lead to something new and exciting.
- Most people can’t read minds, so tell them what you are thinking – If you want something, tell everyone you can. You can’t get upset with someone for not doing what you wanted them to do if you never asked them to do it.
- Just do it – Even if you don’t have all the resources you think you need, or you aren’t sure if it’s the right time, just do it. Let the rest work itself out. If you think that an opportunity is right for you, don’t second guess yourself. If later you find that you made a mistake, you can always fix it or move on. Either way, you’ll be better off than if you never took a risk.
- Spend some time everyday being quiet with yourself – The most important relationship you will ever have is with yourself. Don’t be afraid of being alone or just sitting quietly with yourself. Sometimes you greatest truths will come out in a whisper when you are being quiet.
- Assume love – We always seem to be so quick to assume that people are looking at us, that they are judging us, that they secretly don’t like us. Why are we so quick to think the worst of ourselves? When you don’t know the situation, assume that people are looking at us with love, that they are admiring our courage and that they think we are great until there is proof that proves otherwise.