1. “Never let it be me versus you. It should always be us versus the problem.”
2. Once you’re in a long-term relationship/marriage, never stop dating your SO. There needs to be some sort of constant courtship to make them feel you still want them, even after all these months/years. I am an expert at not doing this.
3. Talk to them when you’re upset. They can’t read your mind. If you hold all your negative thoughts inside it will just make you feel bitter about everything until it stops working.
4.“Marry someone with a different favorite cereal than you so they won’t eat all of yours.” You’d be amazed how much more peaceful life is this way.
5. Best response to: “my SO has changed, and it’s just not working any more”.
“If people can change, then that change is ongoing. Marriage is a beautiful thing that allows two people the time and space to safely fall in and out of love many, many times. Your wife could again become sexual just as easily as a new woman could become cold. I would plead with you to tend your own garden and be patient in its fruits. Paths that have intersected in the past are all the more likely to cross again soon.”
6. Don’t look for a girl you want to treat like a princess, look for a girl you want to treat like a partner. Its very true. I don’t mind carrying my SO, but I need to know she can carry me if I feel down
7. No relationship is perfect and there will be conflict. What matters is the desire to solve the problem.
8. Just because a person is right or perfect for you that you may not be the right one for them.
9. “A relationship is like a fart. If you have to force it, it’s probably shit.”
10. Don’t go into a relationship expecting to be made happy. You have to be able to be happy on your own first.
11. Don’t disparage your SO behind their back.
I’m talking about watercooler bullshit “The old ball-n-chain is such a shrill nag, amirite??” “My husband is such a dumb neanderthal, he’d be lost without me!” etc…
Of course, if you have a legitimate gripe with your loved one then talk to them privately or seek professional counseling. But don’t use them as a punchline to get brownie points with other people who probably have bad relationships themselves. Over time, that kind of thing can seep in and undermine how you actually see them.
12. “The problem is that love isn’t enough. You both have to be committed. There may be times you don’t feel like you love each other, like you’re so hurt or angry that you can’t stand the sight of the other. But if you’re both committed to the relationship, to the promises you made, then you’ll work through it and you’ll become stronger. Love without commitment just isn’t enough.” -my Mom.
13. Don’t compare your relationship to others.
14. “You can gauge a person’s love for you by how they treat you when they are upset with you.”
15. When you’re going down the pub with your mates and you expect to be back around 11 tell her you’ll be back at around 12. So when you roll in the door at 11 you can claim you left early to see her before you both went to bed.
16. Never change to get a person. If you do they fall in love with who your pretending to be and not you. If you must change, change for your self.
17. Don’t settle for someone who has zero regard for your feelings or wants just because you’ve been together a long time.
18. ‘A healthy relationship keeps the doors and windows open. Plenty of air is circulating and no one feels trapped. Relationships thrive in this environment. Keep your doors and windows open. If this person is meant to be in your life, all the open doors and windows in the world won’t make them leave.’
19. Before you commit to a fight, ask yourself “is this the hill I want to die on?”
20. You can’t expect someone to love you when you can’t love yourself.
21. Communication is going to get you further than anything else is
22. The spark is going to die after the honeymoon phase. Don’t take that as a “give up” sign. Take it as a sign to try to bring a new spark in.
23. When it comes to fights, have the memory of a goldfish. For the good stuff, the memory of an elephant. And never “keep score.” You’re a team.
24. You and your partner should also be best friends, straight up opinion but I think a lot of people forget that your SO really should be someone you love spending time with, not someone who is just there to say they’re your significant other
25. Know each other’s “love language” as everyone is different in what ways make them feel loved
26. The relationship is always 60/40 effort, with you both giving 60.