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“You sensed that you should be following a different path, a more ambitious one, you felt that you were destined for other things but you had no idea how to achieve them and in your misery you began to hate everything around you.”
โ Fyodor Dostoyevsky, Netochka Nezvanova
This quote from Fyodor Dostoyevsky’s “Netochka Nezvanova” touches on a complex interplay of emotions and thoughts that many individuals experience at various points in their lives.
The character reflects on a deep, internal sense of dissatisfaction and a yearning for a different, presumably better, life path.
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“We believe we are seeking happiness in love, but what we are really after is familiarity. We are looking to re-create, within our adult relationships, the very feelings we knew so well in childhood and which were rarely limited to just tenderness and care. The love most of us will have tasted early on came entwined with other, more destructive dynamics: feelings of wanting to help an adult who was out of control, of being deprived of a parent’s warmth or scared of his or her anger, or of not feeling secure enough to communicate our trickier wishes.
How logical, then, that we should as adults find ourselves rejecting certain candidates not because they are wrong but because they are a little too rightโin the sense of seeming somehow excessively balanced, mature, understanding, and reliableโgiven that, in our hearts, such rightness feels foreign and unearnt. We chase after more exciting others, not in the belief that life with them will be more harmonious, but out of an unconscious sense that it will be reassuringly familiar in its patterns of frustration.”
โ Alain de Botton, The Course of Love
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Mark Maggiori is a French-American painter, graphic designer, draftsman, musician, music video director, and lead vocalist of the nu-metal band Pleymo. He is particularly known for his paintings that capture the essence of American cowboys, Native Americans, and the Southwest of the United States.
Maggiori’s work has gained significant recognition, including important solo and group shows, and his participation in notable events like the 2017 Night of Artists at the Briscoe Western Art Museum, where he received the Sam Houston award .
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“I am now 33 years old, and it feels like much time has passed and is passing faster and faster every day. Day to day I have to make all sorts of choices about what is good and important and fun, and then I have to live with the forfeiture of all the other options those choices foreclose. And I’m starting to see how as time gains momentum my choices will narrow and their foreclosures multiply exponentially until I arrive at some point on some branch of all life’s sumptuous branching complexity at which I am finally locked in and stuck on one path and time speeds me through stages of stasis and atrophy and decay until I go down for the third time, all struggle for naught, drowned by time. It is dreadful. But since it’s my own choices that’ll lock me in, it seems unavoidable–if I want to be any kind of grownup, I have to make choices and regret foreclosures and try to live with them.”
โ David Foster Wallace, A Supposedly Fun Thing I’ll Never Do Again: Essays and Arguments
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And you run, and you run to catch up with the sun but it’s sinking
Racing around to come up behind you again
The sun is the same in a relative way but you’re older
Shorter of breath and one day closer to deathEvery year is getting shorter, never seem to find the time
Plans that either come to naught or half a page of scribbled lines
Hanging on in quiet desperation is the English way
The time is gone, the song is over, thought I’d something more to say
