“I stopped in the middle of that building and I saw — the sky. I saw the things that I love in this world. The work and the food and time time to sit and smoke. And I looked at the pen and said to myself, what the hell am I grabbing this for? Why am I trying to become what I don’t want to be? What am I doing in an office, making a contemptuous, begging fool of myself, when all I want is out there, waiting for me the minute I say I know who I am! Why can’t I say that, Willy?
This quote is from Arthur Miller’s classic play “Death of a Salesman,” spoken by the character Biff Loman. The play, written in 1949, is a critical examination of the American Dream and the pressures of societal expectations.
Biff Loman, the elder son of Willy Loman, the titular salesman, has been struggling with his identity and purpose in life. Throughout the play, he grapples with his father’s high expectations and the societal pressure to achieve material success. Biff’s realization in this quote occurs towards the end of the play, when he has a moment of clarity about his true desires and the futility of conforming to a life that doesn’t suit him.
Biff describes a moment of epiphany when he stops amidst the hustle and bustle of a building, likely an office or business setting, and looks up at the sky. He contrasts the simple pleasures and genuine passions he loves — work, food, leisure — with the pen he is holding, symbolizing the corporate, mundane life he is leading. This pen represents his attempts to conform to societal expectations and his father’s dreams for him, which are in stark contrast to what he truly wants for himself.
Biff’s rhetorical questions express his frustration and realization that he has been trying to become something he is not. He questions why he has been working in an office, degrading himself, when his true desires and happiness lie outside of this environment. He longs to embrace his authentic self, to pursue the things he genuinely loves, and to stop living a life dictated by others’ expectations. His cry to Willy, his father, underscores his desperation and confusion about why he cannot simply declare his true identity and live accordingly.
This moment is pivotal for Biff as it marks his awakening and rejection of a life of pretense and superficial success. It highlights one of the central themes of the play: the conflict between individual desires and societal pressures, and the struggle to find and assert one’s true identity.