When people hear I’m in a relationship with a man who’s incarcerated, the reactions fall somewhere between disbelief and pity. Sometimes curiosity. Sometimes judgment pretending to be curiosity.
“Why would you date someone in prison?”
“Don’t you want more for yourself?”
“I could never do that.”
For nearly two months, Katherine Kiefer held on to hope. The 82-year-old Los Angeles resident had already lost her home to the Palisades wildfire, but the absence of her beloved Maine Coon, Aggie, felt like the real heartbreak. The cat had been a gift during the pandemic, a quiet and constant presence in Kiefer’s life. When the fire came roaring through on January 7, Aggie, prone to hiding in the best of times, was nowhere to be found. As the days turned into weeks, even Kiefer had to admit—begrudgingly, painfully—that her companion was likely gone.
Here’s the thing about being alive: most of the time, we don’t even notice it. Life is this constant stream of notifications, to-do lists, and half-finished cups of coffee, and in the middle of all that, we forget to look up. We forget that the world is full of small, incredible moments—tiny flashes of warmth, connection, and unexpected joy that remind us why any of this matters in the first place.
So here’s a reminder.
The thing about growing up homeschooled in an insular, paranoid household is that it’s not just about missing out on algebra or forgetting how to properly punctuate a sentence. It’s about never being equipped with the foundational skills that make existing in society feel like second nature. The kind of stuff no one thinks to teach because it’s supposed to be absorbed through osmosis—like knowing when to chime in during a conversation without derailing it, or understanding that birthday parties are for eating too much cake and not quietly wondering why no one ever invites you to theirs.
1. Today at the grocery store, I saw this adorable little Asian boy. Maybe 5 or 6, waving and smiling to all of the shoppers, who waved back and said stuff to the kid’s parents like, “Wow, what a friendly guy!”
The kid’s parents didn’t say anything back. Dad turned away with a face like stone, cold and unsmiling, and Mom seized the boy’s hand roughly when he tried to wave at someone else, slapped it, and muttered something to him in irritated, angry Chinese.
And I just thought to myself: this is where it begins.
How did you get diagnosed and when did the tics start?
Diagnosed August last year. I’m 23, tics started when I was 19 probably, I lived with my parents when things were getting out of hand, and yes I got in trouble. My mother didn’t seem to believe it could possibly be TS, despite doing research, until I got diagnosed. She screamed at me plenty, and even cried cause she hates the word cunt so much. Honestly, I think she was doing her best, but its just tough to adjust too, for a parent of an adult.
1. You feel peaceful near him/her. They don’t trouble you. Their presence is reassuring, they stand by your side, they encourage you, they will challenge you to be a better person. Of course they are still human with flaws, they have good days, bad days, times of fear, worry. They do not put you down, they are proud to show you to the world, they will try to bring you joy. If they know you like something they will do that, maybe if that’s not big on their list.
When I was eighteen, I joined MENSA, because that’s exactly the kind of thing an eighteen-year-old who joins MENSA would do. I lasted a year. Long enough to confirm what I already suspected: MENSA is less of a genius society and more of a self-congratulation echo chamber where people who peaked in standardized testing gather to be impressed with themselves. It was weird.
Whatever you’re doing, just stop. Not because you’re doing it wrong, but because none of it matters for the next few moments. Whether you’re knitting, doomscrolling, arguing with a stranger on Reddit about Blade Runner 2049, or, I don’t know, curing cancer, none of it is relevant. Why? Because there’s a faint, creeping itch at the back of your eye. And it’s about to derail your entire existence.
